Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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