I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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