he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
