I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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