Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
