I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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