I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
