I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
