You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
