so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
