i think my tv is drunk
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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