im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
