in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We named our party play list daddy issues
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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