Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
