I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
