(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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