I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
