Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
