shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
