So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
