So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think your dad took our porno
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
