Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT