I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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