after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??