just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
whose parrot is this?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.