thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.