Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
