This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.