Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?

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  (907): so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go? http://tfl.nu/synh
  Replies (12) Good night (744) Bad night (2396)
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  (661): View more from California

  I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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  (661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf
  Replies (18) Good night (1038) Bad night (4004)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!

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  (708): i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES! http://tfl.nu/1ytt
  Replies (4) Good night (836) Bad night (2016)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning

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  (917): the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning http://tfl.nu/3svo
  Replies (10) Good night (5484) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish they made helmets for livers.

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  (262): I wish they made helmets for livers. http://tfl.nu/bj92
  Replies (12) Good night (5729) Bad night (902)
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  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

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  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (9313) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

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  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7681) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!

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  (202): My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin! http://tfl.nu/ygvu
  Replies (18) Good night (5606) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka

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  (630): you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka http://tfl.nu/av0z
  Replies (8) Good night (1522) Bad night (2287)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.

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  (513): We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit. http://tfl.nu/qhz6
  Replies (2) Good night (2116) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.

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  (410): Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips. http://tfl.nu/4phy
  Replies (2) Good night (1979) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.

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  (631): She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat (1-631): SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT. http://tfl.nu/se9g
  Replies (5) Good night (1382) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??

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  (616): I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask?? http://tfl.nu/g9zb
  Replies (18) Good night (1889) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.

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  (423): I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit. http://tfl.nu/5kq2
  Replies (11) Good night (1473) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night

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  (585): I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night http://tfl.nu/wd4l
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (167)

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