he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in