My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
