"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
