A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found puke in my bra..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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