4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
