D3 body, D1 cock
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
