just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
