I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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