I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
