Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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