So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Everclear isn't food dammit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
