I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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