I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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