That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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