if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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