I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
