How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
