This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
