the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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