I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
