First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
please come you make the beer taste better
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
