That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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