Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
