Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
