Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
