paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
