either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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