you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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