Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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