i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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