Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
