sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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