Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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