I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
